Welcome Home Baby Girl!

Finally, after a pain-staking, scary ass week, and many many worried and sleepless nights, our baby daughter Julia has finally arrived back at La Casa, our home sweet home. Her condition all stable, although still obviously shook up from all the tests, tests and did I mention tests? For 3 days straight, she was scared shitless, literally (no passing motion for most of that time) and today all that stress exploded out, again literally For the entire day she’s been screaming her lungs out, obviously distraught and unconsolable, and especially during diaper changes. I personally think she’s just so scared, knowing that the nurses always took her blood-pressure, gave her medication, took her blood, examined her wounds and changed the oxygen-tubes, every single time they changed her diaper. Only after that they would feed her her bottle. It all makes perfect sense: She needs all the stuff done and you reward her with milk. However, to our Julia, now, changing a diaper is equal to murder: Not going down without a struggle..

We’re worried, wondering whether the things we do are making things better or worse, as from her response it is hard to gage. Yet, we try and comfort ourselves and most importantly her, that everything will be a lot better in a couple of days. We’re so extremely happy that she’s finally home and that we can put all the days in the hospital, worried about every sound, every opening door, every phone call, are finally behind us.. Finally! We have our baby girl back home, and we’re not letting her go anymore! She’s ours for the keeping, through better and through worse.. Let us hope for only better for 2009 onwards! Welcome Home Baby Girl!

Painful Memories

Our Christmas Present

First of all, to everyone a very merry christmas! I’m sorry the xmas cards did not get prepared or sent this year, and hopefully next year we’ll be able to send out some! Furthermore, to each and every one of you, thank you SO much for your well wishes, prayers and thoughts. They’re really appreciated, and your comments, messages and mails have made me lots stronger to fight through these difficult times!

Having said that, Julia is doing excellent! She’s off the oxygen, is barely on any more medication (just some Paracetamol), all tubes have been removed and is only monitored on an occasional basis! She’s eating well, moving from the initial 10ml to 20ml, 30ml, 50ml and now all the way to 60ml per feed. She’s already being bottle-fed and today Rehana tried breast-feeding her! She’s a fighter, a real Stoelwinder, although as the nurses said, the last part of my name “Winder, or “whiner” is quite applicable as well, as she loves to complain Yeps, must be part of my genes too Hopefully tomorrow she’s already able to go to the children’s ward! Definitely an amazing christmas present for us!

Rehana decided to surprise me with a very own Christmas present too: A brand-new sparkling iPod Touch 32GB!! Crazy wife I have! She really shouldn’t have, but I love it ofcourse Thank you so much my love, and I’ll be sure to show it off at every chance I get! Btw, you can use it look at it from a distance whenever you want ocassionally if I’m not using it, ok? *hugs* Thanks!

Again, a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and more news soon!

She’s Awake!

I stayed until about 10PM last night, together with my father-in-law and had a final conversation with the nurse-in-charge about Julia’s status. She was doing great, although still unable to breathe on her own. The nurse confirmed that Julia should be awake by morning as they were continuously dropping the dosage of her medication, as well as the supply of oxygen. I asked: “What if she doesnt?” and the nurse reassured: “She should”, and he continued “and should she not, we will give her medication to counteract the Morphine she’s getting and get her to wake up. All children respond different to these medications and Julia is just very senstive to them.”.

I went home and with much anxiety we prepared to go back to the hospital this morning. My mother-in-law was already there and we ended up being much later than expected due to a deep sleep overnight, cold weather outside and our inability to get a cab during rain and 11AM in the morning. Finally, a taxi-driverwas confirmed for our call and would be there in 10 minutes. Shortly after the service-call ended, the driver called me and confirmed he’d be there within the minute, as he stayed just opposite our place, so we rushed downstairs and went on our way. I could barely contain myself, being so excited to go see my baby daughter again, and hopefully more awake this time. Well, I expected no more than the hope for her to be able to breathe on her own, and boy was I rewarded!

While Rehana went and buy a few things from the provision shops at the hospital, I rushed to my baby’s bedside and there she was, eyes closed, but small bubbles on her mouth, a good indication that she was breathing on her own. When I spoke a few words to her, I could see her face slightly responding and saw her face slightly change: a cry was about to arrive! I could barely hear her tiny voice over the big machines and the fact that she’s still so weak did not make that any easier. She moaned a little out of discomfort and it was the best sound I’ve ever heard! Actually, it was double-feeling: I felt so emotionally happy to hear her voice, yet so sad to see her in discomfort. I assured myself that the medication is preventing her from experiencing any pain but that she’s just sad to be in such a different situation from when she fell asleep.

Just a few days ago, she closed her eyes after a good meal, lying in her mothers arms in the scrubs that the doctors gave and then the next thing she wakes up with oxygen tubes going in her nose and pain everywhere. My poor baby must’ve been so shocked! I went outside to see if Rehana was already back from the shops and when I did not yet see her, I called her and informed her about the good news. Her relief was obvious through the phone and she came as quickly as she could. Upon her arrival we went inside Julia’s room, and there she was, eyes open and looking around!! Her expression so sad, and tiny tears in the corners of her eyes, but awake! I could barely restrain myself from picking her up and kissing all over her face, and wiping her tears away, but I knew that my patience would have to remain present for a little longer..

Conclusion: She’s awake! Ok, more information: She’s doing good and is no longer on the oxygen tubes going into her throat and is totally off the Morphine. She’s still very weak, but responsive to our presence and voices. The tubes from her chest should be removed in the afternoon and hopefully sometime today they’ll be able to give her a little bit of water to see if her digestive system is responding ok after the surgery. If that is the case, she can finally drink some milk through a tube within a day or so, I hope! Her blood pressure is stable but slightly higher, so she’s getting some medication to help lower that. I understand. Her heart has been pumping much harder than it should over the past few weeks and now that things are a lot easier, the heart still is used to the heavy pumping. So it needs to learn that less effort creates the same result.. We’ll be patient, but at her bed-side for sure!

Welcome back baby girl! We missed you like crazy!

Slowly but steadily..

Slowly but steadily, baby Julia is recovering from the major surgery she underwent yesterday. She’s still “doped out” and breathing minimally on her own. The doctors are reducing her medicine intake, so she’ll slowly be forced to breathe on her own again. Hopefully, tomorrow she’ll be able to go off the lung machines and switch to a face-cap that applies a slight pressure to ensure she continues to breathe on her own, but it all depends on how quickly Julia wants to progress. For now, she’s just resting but thank God with fewer tubes and medication going inside her. We’re praying for her well-being and can’t wait to hold our tiny bundle of joy in our arms again. Mommy and Daddy will try to be patient on your behalf, my darling daughter. I love you!

Surgery is over!

Just a quick post on the status of the heart-surgery for our baby girl, Julia. Yesterday we went to the hospital in preparation of the aortic repair surgery for Julia and were lucky to both be allowed to sleep over at the hospital last night. She did great and barely complained about having to fast for the last few hours before the surgery itself, eventhough she was noticeably upset by the extraction of blood for tests in the early evening. The had to “set lines” to be able to easily provide her with a drip, monitor her blood pressure, etc and had to test her blood to determine her blood group. Now, we as parents would take every opportunity to hold our baby close whenever she’d start crying. Doctors and nurses need to do their work and are not as easily convinced. Julia however, still tried her best: She cried like there was no tomorrow but to no avail I was standing right outside the door and my heart broke hearing her cry and me not be able to do anything for her. After about 15 minutes, which were excruciatingly hard, she came out and I held her close to me, while she still shook in despair and fear from what had just happened. Luckily, a mother’s breast is the best medicine and she felt better bit by bit throughout the evening.

Her last meal was around 2:00AM and just after 4:00AM she woke up again visibly shaken from the whole ordeal earlier that night. I tried comforting her the usual ways, but it did not work as well as I’d hoped, so decided to place her chest-down on top of my chest. The sound and motion of my breathing chest and beating heart quickly calmed her down and within a matter of seconds she was knocked out and remained so for approximately an hour. Then, time came closer for her to prepare for surgery. The nurses brought the scrubs and while I was putting back on my vision-aids and welcomed the morning, Rehana prepared our baby daughter for what was to come. By the time I returned, Julia was lying in Rehana’s arms, in cute looking scrubs with small cartoon-figures and flowers I think. We went to the Operating Theatre around 07:00AM this morning and around 08:00AM we kissed her cheek and wished her a save operation. She briefly opened her eyes and we tried comforting ourselves telling ourselves that everything will be alright.

The following three hours were the longest hours of my life and nerves were rushing to every part of my body. I felt horribly cold, had an upset stomach and felt extremely sleepy and sitting in that Family Room was the worst time of my life. Every person I saw walking, every incoming phone call, every beeping machine and every door opening spelt doom in my head and I couldnt take it anymore. During a quick toilet visit, the nerves took over and whatever I ate earlier came back out the vertical way. It relieved my stomach for a short while, but not for long. Rehana made a quick call to the Operating Theatre, but still no news. “Why? We had sent her in at 8:00AM and the surgery (if all went well) should only take 2 hours!” We however counted from the moment she went in and soon I realized that that was incorrect: Her surgery was scheduled for around 09:30AM, which meant she’d be out around 11:30AM only. And it was only 10:40AM by then. More freights, fears and anxieties later, a very welcomed phone-call on my handphone: Julia’s surgery went well. They were able to repair the narrowing of the aorta and Julia had done great throughout the entire surgery. She was being prepared for release to the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) and should be ready for visitors shortly.

We quickly made our way to the ward, and waited to see her. My mother-in-law spotted the big bed, with a tiny lady resting on top and we rushed by another entrance to catch a glimpse of our little baby girl. There she was, surrounded by a large team of surgeons, nurses and specialists. It took at least another 1 and a half hours before we could actually go inside and see our girl after her surgery. She’s in a huge fish-tank, surrounded by huge machines supplying her with mediciation, while others are monitoring literally her every heart-beat. It is the most painful sight you can imagine, when you see your baby lying attached to machines bigger than herself and tubes going in and coming out of her wherever you look. Yes, the doctors had prepared us for this sight, but we were ignorant, well at least I was. I knew what I was going to see, yet had no idea at the same time. No matter how painful it was to see her that way, at the same time it was comforting: I know the doctors are doing everything in their power to make sure she’s doing ok. The doctors explained every tube and line in and out of her and explained that she’ll be kept knocked out for at least another day, while she’s being supported by a longue-machine. At least she will experience no pain at this point from hunger, the surgical procedure or the tubes down her nose and throat.

Long story short: She’s doing good and the surgery went really well. The doctors are very pleased with the results of the surgery and although the upcoming 2 days will be a walk on a tight-rope as the doctors described it, they see the “Stoelwinder-gene” in her and said she’s a fighter. She’s resting now and will remain doing so for the days to come. When she’s ready to be less medicated, they’ll start removing some of the tubes. But that’ll be a few more days. Following these first 4 days in the PICU, she’ll probably have to go to the paediatric ward for a similar length of time, but doctors are hoping she’ll be able to leave back home with us within 7 to 10 days.

Monitor the situation here and we’ll try and keep you posted on how things come along. And pray for our daughter’s well-being. We just miss her so much right now!

Changes in Progress

It’s been a long long time since I posted anything on my blog, and a recent upgrade to the latest version of WordPress, together with a clean-up in Facebook seem to be a good starting ground for me to start writing some messages on my blog again! So, here we go! I hope you’ll enjoy a few updates from me every now and then. If not, well erm… Well, let me know in that case ;P

Things are going great for us lately, we moved to our own house in May 2008 and we’re happy campers! The house is great, the facilities are excellent and we’ll only be stuck to a major loan for the upcoming 30 years!! Furthermore, we’ve received a new commitment for life: a beautiful little girl by the name of Julia was born into this world on the 19th of November 2008, one day before Rehana’s birthday. At the day of her birth, she weighed 3.285kg and measured 50cm tall. By now, she’s surpassed 3.4kg and is around 54cm and counting!

She was diagnosed with heart problems even before birth tho, and is scheduled to go into surgery on 22nd December, so another week to go. Scary as hell I can tell you and there’s not a moment in the day that I dont think about my fears to lose her so shortly after she’s made us so happy. But we cant think that way.. The doctors in this country are great and the medical care is excellent too. She’s a strong little girl and I’m sure she’ll be alright! We just have to focus on the positive and pray to God that things will turn out alright..

Anyways, I’ll try and keep everyone posted through this new way of posting to Facebook and other places and as soon as I have something useful to say, you’ll read a new message here!

Want to read more of my ramblings? Make sure to leave me a comment, email, note or message as that’ll be the drive to keep telling people about me and my life Till soon!